We’re deep in the Dragged & Divine series, bestie — and today’s episode? Whew. It’s for anybody who’s ever set a boundary and then immediately questioned everything.
The Thought That Sparked It All: This episode was born from a thought I had while writing last week’s Sunday Soul Session.
“Maybe the fear is about not being useful — because we equate usefulness with our value. And we’ve been required to be useful in so many other areas of our lives, we bring that into our relationships too.”
Here’s the Tea, Sis: We’ve been taught that boundaries are empowering. That “no” is a full sentence. That if we just communicate clearly, we’ll be fine. But here’s the truth:
Setting the boundary is the easy part. Standing in it? That’s where the panic lives.
They escalate. We spiral. Suddenly you’re the villain for saying you need space.
And if you’re a Black woman? The stakes often feel higher. Because we’ve been conditioned to be agreeable, accommodating, emotionally available at all times even when it’s killing us.
So what happens when you finally say, “That doesn’t work for me”…and someone takes it personally? Or worse — they weaponize it?
What We Talk About in This Episode:
The difference between real boundaries and reactionary boundaries
What to do when someone escalates after you set a limit
How to respond when you're spiraling, second-guessing, or shutting down
A story about me and my grandma that perfectly captures what not to do (and how we recovered anyway)
Why staying calm isn't “cold” — it’s nervous system stewardship
The actual goal of boundary work (hint: it’s not control)
A beautiful moment of repair with a newer friend — and what it taught me about intimacy
Why boundaries are bridges, not walls
Let Me Leave You With This
You don’t have to get it perfect. You don’t have to sound like a therapist. You don’t even have to keep your voice from shaking. Your boundary is still valid. Your needs are still real.
You can set a boundary clumsily and still be divine. You can fumble the follow-up and still be worthy of love. You can spiral, recover, and try again.
This is not about being perfect. It’s about trying our best and having the right intentions.
Your Boundary Toolkit: Let Me Live, Sis
Because I know how hard this work can feel in real life, our team made something just for you:
🎁 Let Me Live, Sis: Boundary Phrases & Mantras
It’s free to download — and yes, you can leave a donation if you’d like, right at the same link.
Inside you’ll find:
🖨️ A printable guide with actual boundary phrases you can keep near your phone, mirror, or wherever you have your conversations.
📱 Phone wallpapers with grounding mantras for those “I know I said no… but now I feel bad” moments
🧠 Reminders that your “no” is divine — even when it’s clumsy
👉 Download Let Me Live, Sis — free with optional donation.
👉 Tell us what you think in the comments.
👉 Share this with someone who needs it this week.
You don’t have to carry the emotional labor alone. You are allowed to protect your peace. Full stop.
xoxo,
Goddess Thea
Dragged. Divine. Recovering. Still saying what I said.
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